Friday, September 18, 2009
what really do i want? what remains is too little time, whats to achieve is too much. especially when i falter each time i try. in the vast thinking world, there's alot to imagine about, sometimes way beyond our limits. but in the realistic world we can only wish. let's stick to the latter, let's not repeat the blunders that you've done before.
im just too bored to even write my thoughts down.
over time, i feel that trusting myself isn't exactly a smart thing to do anymore. i mean well, i've failed myself more times then my fingers can count. being carried away unreasonably, stupidity escalating to bad situations. what i think isn't what it is. i'm putting false analogies, comparing two completely different things, but believing that it links. i'm guilty at times, letting words spill out my mouth when i'm not supposed to do so. whats the point then, if i continue telling others that i can be trusted? nobody likes a bigmouth.
looking at a person whose at the losing end of a relationship. i wonder what could be worse in a relationship then a person loving the other more than the other. pity is the word i could use, but if i were to be wearing his shoes, i'll probably end it all.
sometimes human can be sacrificing so much and yet being satisfied to get this much in return.
still i feel, everything when a person's starts doing wrong, i'm the person that comes back trying to correct what i've erred, i'm the one who initiates the apology (wait, not just apologies, but everything), trying means to mend the bonds we've created, hopefully not ending the friendship just like that. its silly how a supposedly strong friendship falls because of the minutest of things. worth it? no.
realistically speaking, i've alot to improve on. ranges of areas that has room for improvements. actually you can never stop improving, but thats not the point. already only given this much chances, i'm still not taking them to the fullest. always settling for less, but knowing that i wont be fully satisfied. i'm falling back with the one i thought was easier, but i still am not courageous enough to confidently say i can.
habits coming back, slacking too much spending too much wasting time too much. addictions hard to beat, it comes back time to time again, but seriously, haven't been able to control myself at will. posts have been getting more mundane, more monotonous, long insubstantial posts only to confuse readers. i've lost the ability to crack jokes, however cold, in blogpost such as these. just do not have the mood nor inspiration nowadays.
thinking.
to thoughts
to words.
...what's left to wonder is the number of people that reads my probably incomprehensible posts.