Thursday, November 05, 2009
finally, i can blog without the sense of guilt!
never felt so 'light' before, felt i lost 20kgs! what a load lifted from my back...
actually not really lah, i already got dpa.
anyway,
+ve thoughts first, i think i'm gonna start filming alot more, really cannot wait to produce videos.. still remember the fun in making a video people worldwide enjoys so much, finally sia, can get to work. hands on, short film, all these little fun stuffs. hopefully one day i'll get to produce something that is actually something. just hope it doesn't fucking rain all the time arghhh.
o's not that tough despite not putting full efforts in studying, abit complacent i admit, should any A2 or even unfortunate B3s, that'd be the last minute studying of me to blame. but i might stand a chance to hit all As, with a little pinch of luck no doubt, with english and humans. i'll put my full effort for my mcq, to make my science a1 for sure. oh well, just a personal challenge and to get my $300. feeling rather lame, after all the years of practicing physics, i screwed up a simple moments questions, screwed up an emaths question (SIMPLE ALGEBRA), failed to calculate the mole question proper in my maths, and cocked up both coordinates question in my amaths. hopefully those instances of stupidity did not cost me my a1s. hahaha
now lemme think,
i dont know why, but i've been hating alot recently, something that's kinda rare to be honest. but i've grown towards being more assertive now, not wanting to get push over so easily, and getting better comebacks to people's suanings. but forever there's people out there who wants to irritate you don't know wht is myob, or respect others.. especially when you did nothing to instigate anything at all. and its super fucked up. i know its never good to have enemies, what's more at such a timing, but nothing can be helped now, with the fact that they asked for it anyway. still, these people are inevitable in life, through school, ns, and work, you're bound to meet them. hopefully when you're an adult there'll be less such disturbances, albeit, its life to face such adversities and we have to suck it up.
how much of importance, of matter, am i? full of ups and downs. few days your confidence is running on high, but other days its like lo like flo rida. can't even properly entertain, jokes are lame and poor, and at most is just pure bastardry. help? not much. boring? i guess. childish? i'm not sure. what does people regard me as. how much percentage of a good friend will they give. good points outweighing the bad points hopefully, but what am i to judge myself.
being natural is better, but it just can't be, without abit of pressure. pure failure.
don't care lah, just only lah... mind stucked in the middle of this two choices... dilemmas are never easy to settle. one moment you tell yourself its pointless, but thoughts subdue when the opportunities dangles right in front of your face again. i don't know, facing the situation in a clear-headed approach, it just might not work out, but you'll never know if you stand a chance, and could do with some tweaks. and then again, only time will tell... its not a definite yet. but stupidity proved to be really costly at times, i can't believe this could repeat twice consecutively. but i question, why scared?
trying to get closer always seemed to be counterproductive. detrimental. since the past, as usual, my misinterpretation and over-analysis of situations makes things really retarded for me, unnecessarily. assuming too much, acting like i really know what's behind it. argh. holiday's few days away, but that does not mean time can be wasted away. damn, o's over, yet i don't feel very joyous.
anyway, foods for thought~
make things happen, don't wait for things to happen. (shou zhu dai tu)
be the captain of your own ship. (YOU determine your future)
jump and know that a net will appear. (take risks)