Tuesday, November 17, 2009
i kinda lose faith of some of my friends already. considered really close friends - despite several quarrels still going strong, albeit inevitably, there's a tinge of dislike lurking around still. it's not like it could be help, no way, however as far as compromises go, i think i've learnt to let go. understand, accept, get used to it. but unsurprisingly, not always does it go as planned. so what, seriously, so what. friends understand each other. but in this case they don't, instead they have the mindset of you changing to meet their expectations. i'm always at the losing end, helplessly brainstorming for solutions, or the easy way out - to just 'fuck it'.
thoughts turned the other direction and inquired - surely you ain't backing down so easily... just a 'little' conflict in opinion and you'll want to break the whole lego bricks. its hard to imagine, yet its hard to accept. i don't want to, but i definitely sense the drifting already.
went to amk today, ended up a wasted trip, stupid job already had enough occupants. wasted super alot of money nowadays, rather senselessly. mostly in fast food, or stupid bus trips. all in an effort to disprove my 'cheapskateness'. thriftiness isn't muchly appreciated nowadays. i'm gonna get a job to earn money and save for future trips. i'm not going to malaysia even though i got 500 bucks. i need a fucking job. but its gonna be damn hard. i hope i get accepted for the duck tours thing. or find another job. its difficult as fuck.
i got a new bike now, gonna use it to save bus fares. but sometimes i hate myself for not being able to cycle properly. sharp turns and people are my weaknesses. irritating, not even 2 days in my tire tube burst. its fucked up. need to get better in cycling, adapt to all circumstances. same as my swimming and... using chopsticks.
got my dpa letter, fucking retarded, i start school at 13th jan?! like fucking retarded i swear. they never even mentioned to me that for dpa applicants there'll be like 3 months of gay preparatory program. seriously no need sia, waste of time. 3 months to rest... and you gonna take that away from me? irritating like hell sia. im gonna try backing out from it, but usually such attempts fail.. i dont have really high hopes. fucked up man. like that i dont feel like working anymore. i'm gonna laze my shortened holidays away. fuck it man.
i dont know what to do during this holidays, but i definitely want to catch paranormal activity. and train.