Thursday, November 12, 2009
i know this blog is boring, but its not the patronizers that i care most about here.
as long as time ticks on, there'll be something new up here in my head for me to rant about. sadly its almost always about the same topic.
i've been contemplating, but my attempts to not give it up yet always failed me. maybe its the incident, that day, that changed the situation. as usual i might be over-interpreting or just being really stupid, but i know myself, just as much as i know what i am able to do. especially when it is you to yourself, its hard to lie, so face it. it won't work out. just won't. so just forget it. no point fighting on so much for nothing. its way too ambitious, and the whole point is nothing but the benefit of yourself. besides, the real reasons lies deep in your heart. can you commit? no. time is the limiting factor too... i don't want to continue living in this delusion. so this ends it. lets maintain as it is.
i find it so much more comfortable sticking to the people who does things i love most together, and people who have been with me all these times. i don't like being restricted, or being with friends that i can't totally be myself. thinking about it, what's the point being with someone that you just can't show your true front to her. or anyone else for that matter. just being with the friends i'm always with, beats everything hands down. no need to feel shy, no need to feel left out. external factors are sometimes you can't control nor alter.
lets forget about the bitterness about friends, graduated already, o's over already, no point picking on the minor minor stuffs. just accept people as they are, as much as they are willing to do the same to you. cherish is a word so regularly used but sad to note that its only a word people say, not an action people carry out.
holidays finally started, feeling the boredom already. however it seems hectic, to have a job. gonna restrict my freedom and jumble up my schedule alot. nonetheless i have to get one, because i have 5 months +/- of free time, and i definitely need to fill those gaps purposefully. not slacking, wasting time away stupidly. yeah i know we're still young, we should enjoy life to the fullest, but working won't take so much away from you. as long as i don't get contract jobs or full-time kind of thing. besides, i need money to buy things. like a bicycle, birthday gifts, clothes. thats all. save up for lisses and london trips in the future.
lessen the bastardry sometimes, be always aware about that very line where things get out of hand. whatever it is, awareness is key in all situations. mentally and physically. spur of a moment, drunk, too high on happiness and laughter, not right state of mind, emotionally affected. thats when things will be done/said without thinking. and that's where things get messy. being 16, there's no excuse of not being able to think for oneself. everything done is within your responsibility.
start watching new movies, shows, hunt for musics, o2mania, games, soccer, pool and bowling, outing with friends, work. that's my holiday's itinerary. good luck to me.
survivor ftw!