Friday, March 19, 2010
this 5 weeks don't look very long.
1 week is already gone, and it hasn't really been put to good use.
i have a trip to malaysia soon and that will take up another week. 4th - 8th. problems started arising and everything start going haywire. its not easy to please everybody, and it really sucks when you face such people in life. i can't do anything to salvage this though, and seriously, i really feel adrift from the people i once felt had shared this special bond together. maybe due to one or two people that came in, and screw everything in the clique up. i start to realise who truly is a better friend, and i want to back out from the clique that's becoming more and more like a popularity contest. so much tensity, so much pressure to fit in. who makes the loudest noise/funniest joke wins. there's so much more hostility and bastardry up there, but people are blindly following. are they blinded by facts and reality? or they just can't realise it. or maybe there's 'nothing' wrong with it. apparently.
then again, its only that one or two people. the rest are still awesome, and i shall not let my perception of that minor few affect the whole group. cannot have that immature thinking. but im definitely not wanting to stick so close to people who are too obsessed over fame and forget the part about chilling and having fun. somehow i feel we are not having enough jams anymore. why ah?
now, the feeling of going there for five days, spending about $100+, is definitely having that commitment to enjoy yourself. but how can i possibly be enjoying myself when i feel that i'm being forced to go there. and because of my responsibility (cameraman), the burden gets a whole lot heavier. that sudden feeling of not wanting to go there, sure it might piss you off, but damn, i'm not going there to waste time, who cares what you think. and you know, threats are bullshit. i shall not let this matter affect me, and how i think about the others...
other misc. stuffs.
- my bioclock is once again cocked up and i always wake up so late that i miss programs like today. need to resettle it as i have to wake up earlier for the events coming up this week.
- weather hasn't been great, raining and wet, how the fuck do i start filming/training. not a good thing when msia trip is upcoming.
- money is also another issue, thanks to the hike in transportation fares and outside food. and there's so much more events to go to, birthday party, bbq, movies, going out = spending money. reminds me of how little determination i put in achieving my new year's resolution. 3k goal? fail.
- ok maybe she's not that bad of a pangsehkia. you need to look at another angle. im still having this tendency to over-generalise. i should implement what i've learnt from socpsy into real life.
- jobs are not easy to get too, but hopefully ashton's jobs could suffice.
- haven't been able to catch up with sec sch friends due to external reasons, damn. i should make a effort to organise something... and a pri school gathering? not sure if i want to but, damn. money again.
- well i really wish to go back 2 weeks back and enjoy class together again, without the lessons but the awesome long breaks together. they are really awesome. bintan was so great i'm feeling sad it had to end.
- i seriously feel the laziness in me building up, no mood to train/gym, lacking motivation. don't like the feeling of a wasted day, but there's so many other things getting in the way.and in the end i only spend my time on facebook/youtube, bumming around at home.
- in conclusion, i need to meet up with you guys quick, but hopefully not at the expense of spending money.
gosh, sooner or later i'll die of boredom.