Tuesday, April 19, 2011
i don't really like the first week of school. :(
sucky classmates, no longer the same class with a couple of close ones. but no point, really. let's just get on with it. let's work on that 3.5 gpa. let's do it.
and yeah, good friends doesnt necessarily mean good working partners. i dont feel like putting an effort with you now. i just don't. i'm not gonna enjoy school now, but hey i still have other areas where i can find my own happiness in.
so in this few weeks, i've been through alot, learnt alot, and realise alot.
i can still remember what she said to me about the "we shouldn't share everything together if it's something minor" thingy. i get it now. it's true, it's better if we don't always voice out the minute things that one find affecting them, cause it only slowly worsen the condition of the relationship. we just don't realise it, but it apparently does. it's not rare to feel easily affected by her actions/words, cause you know, it weighs x10 heavier compared to someone else's actions/words. but i guess you needa get used to it. i never liked feeling jealous, as a boyfriend it's normal for me to hope that i'm not just any other guy. and when you don't feel special enough, you'd feel that you're not enough. but of course, let's not care too much about it, because afterall, it's all really petty. anyway, i felt alot better about things this week already. and of course it's great!
i hate myself for being so direct at times, it's not like it's something that you should be proud of. OH WOW YOU DARE TO STAND UP FOR YOURSELF! pffft no need for the ego. sometimes it's never good to be honest. honesty is not always the best policy. it's all about knowing about the situation and knowing when it's best to not say to truth. and when things needs to be kept in because it's for the better, then it should.
people say differences draws people together but it's not necessarily true. it's like, there's so many differences and it's evident to both. and when that happens, disagreements could occur. you know sometimes, thoughts of not being able to understand/know each other well enough can be haunting. but, i guess it's how we work with our differences. and in due time, we will learn how to deal with it.
it's been a sad case for me you know. living in this househould for nearly 18 years already, yet the closest people to me whom i can be myself truly and fully with, it's not exactly them. yeah we do know each other, but not till that extent of really good friends, you know? no heart to hear talks, no one exactly knows each other that well. we have our own worlds. we don't have family dinner, we hardly ever go to grandparents/cousins house together, thus we don't have good connections. we've been through painful events that separates us further, and i have a brother whom i don't even talk to at all anymore. conversations are hardly ever substantial. it's so awkward every mother's/father's day/their birthdays, because i'm never used to expressing love for my family, even though i'm grateful for everything they have done/being understanding of what i'm doing/bringing me up. you see, it's different. but i don't blame them. and i don't feel exactly 'sad'. every family has their own background, and no one's family is exactly 'the best'... but i would say, i guess i am relatively happy with how things are now, soooo... yeah.
hey, i'm not too wise at my age now. i hate to realise things so late, but at least i'm making a progress. slow or fast, it shouldn't matter. right?
i'm happy week 1 was over and done with really quickly, and i'm still in the holiday mood. fuck this. 3.5 gpa. no more slacking/procrastination. i really should do something more productive. considering the fact there'll hardly be much time to train during weekdays... i can still be productive by... at least watching movies in my spare time instead of just wasting it away. i watch damn little movies for a film students, freaking seriousssssssssss -_-
week 2, please be better.
and, cp, do what you should.