Friday, April 29, 2011
so where do i start.
hmmm.
i'll tell you (whoever... that actually cares about this blog) a secret.
i think if there's actually a choice to choose which gender you want to be... i'd pick a girl.
okay maybe no, because then i'd probably not have the chance to enjoy parkour to the fullest, or the anatomical differences of needing to torment monthly cycle of menstruation/and worse - pregnancy... i think the pluses outweighs the negativity for the female gender... (you can never get good things all the time anw)
well, you know, in the streets, those people that receives alot of stares? they are usually chiobus. in other words, girls... its a recognizable fact that the female gender are more attractive gender. it's the female models that receives all the glamour and fashionista shiz while the guys are rather boring to look at. or maybe i won't know cause i'm not a girl, but hey most girls i know all stares at girls too and always go jealous over their looks. and c'mon, even average looking girls can attractive quite a hefty amount of guys wanting to know you more and all. it's so hard for a guy to attract girls. simply put, girls can look pretty easier than how guys can look handsome.
i want to look good.
no one can ever be satisfied with their looks, right? it's an amazing feeling, sometimes, when you find out about how find you cute/attractive/goodlooking, or catches someone staring at you, knowing that you are an eyecandy of somebody. and girls get all of those. normality is the guys making the first step. doesn't that feel good? being chased, being fought over by guys to win your heart? and receive chocolates/flowers/loveydovey gifts. being called beautiful and all that. countless of examples, but to sum it up - guys giving all the love, girls receiving all the love. damn it, it's almost like its hardwired into the system in how respective genders behave this way.
two things, what is the male equivalent of beautiful, or a simple gift like flowers?
and what defines 'sweet' for the things females does for males?
answers? what a brain-wreck.
how do i beat the system anyway. i musn't have expectations, let alone something that is too much to expect for.
but fuck looks. something so simple can disrupt one's life chaotically. society causes so much rather subconscious harm, eh? suck it up, suck it up...
then i don't know why i'm doing with my life too nowadays. i survived week 2. 5 days of lessons and of travelling to and fro school is so burdensome. classmates are not exactly the best people to spend a full 16 weeks together too. wow, what a sadistic game life is playing on me. i see myself sticking to two other guys all the time, and whenever it's time to escape, and when opportunity presents, i'll find my love. i don't really care if i'm too sticky or if people forms an impression of me being ever-so-clingy. what matters most is me being happy. i'm sick of putting up a false front, all these pretence can exhaust one so terribly, so why tire myself unreasonably? when i have things of greater importance to take care of.
oh and fuck cca points. it's one arduous climb in poly year 2 now. i'm tired of socialising, i'm still holding back, so much. i wonder whatever restrains me sometimes. i feel, so socially inept, despite of what i've been through the year start. hey, cut me some slack considering i'm in year 2 now so the amount of stress have being doubled (especially when i HAVE to do well this sem). with that said, i must really work on ridding this habit of procrastination (and impunctuality) if i were to even think of accomplishing my goals of an final cgpa of >3.5. and hopefully, an extensive and professional portfolio that i can be dignified to present.
and i'm not training much either. i'm not getting stronger, and if this continues, i'll grow weaker. i haven't been keeping an eye on my diet, haven't been working out. not improving. and the rage in me keeps accumulating... accumulating... and accumulating. the weather NEVER helps, and i'm remotely pissed off by it. that's what happens when you don't cherish your holidays enough...
don't get me started on money.
all the same topics week in week out. fuck.
lastly,
so i was right about myself about not being able to share everything together (reason why i blogged here). inevitably it will cause hurt. and i rather it to be one sided, and tolerate it by myself, and in time getting over it. i let my mouth slipped, and this ends the 2 weeks streak... of not quarreling. it's difficult really, facing something with an open mind in a relationship, but as much as i want to label that as an excuse, i really should stop with the expectations/complaints. it's so irritating, how i can never be satisfied, when perfection never came as close...
it's like it's bound to happen... and i hate it when i vision it to happen.
/sleepitoff
/andtomorroworaweeklater,i'drealiseeverythingisjustaminorissueagain.
P.S: random, but source code is the latest movie that entered my good books!