Wednesday, April 06, 2011
worst bail of my 4 years+ of training? probably.
i can still recall that lache gainer bail in school, cause of that bail? releasing my grip too early.
and just 3 hours back, i bailed a DOUBLE lache gainer, reason why? releasing my grip way too late.
it's so freaking scary, how do i ever get rid of that mental barrier now. fucking hell.
what's more, i landed a really nice one before zack asked me to do it again to get it on tape. not a single risk calculation. all i was aiming for was height, thus release high up, and tuck tight. the scenario of me not going forward and possibly heading my head that not ever crossed my mind. i then realise, that's because i'm in a gym. gym = safe. i'm doing it to foam pit. what is the worst that could happen?
damn it lah, i hate the feeling where you feel so hopeless, like 'holy shit what just happened, omg blood, omg pain, omg please don't tell me i'm going to the hospital...' i was semi conscious till i stood up and out of the gym. and upon impact, i kinda blacked out for like 3 to 5 seconds. it was bloody scary. thank god there were people around to help me out.
and i should consider myself lucky. couldve been worse if i gone higher up and landed on my neck. then its over. like seriously.
it was nice really, to see everyone questioning me of my state and wishing me a speedy recover. but i felt i disappointed alot of people. especially my parents. i'm terribly sorry. and i know i'm such a wuss, a simple sorry and thankyou proved to be so difficult to even mumble. i feel damn guilty spending their money unnecessarily. yeah i agree, i don't think i am very close with my family (esp my father), but i really feel damn blessed now. i just don't know how to show them my love. it's just, not right. thank you mum, dad, and sis. sorry for the trouble that i brought along.
i should've been more careful. what if it was something worse, and i was actually in comatose. and just leave the world like that. and hurt the one that love me most. no way can i afford to do that! but of course, i'm stronger than this. i'll be back to fine form in a weeks time.
this is not the first time though. gosh i hate getting myself into injuries, and scaring the whole lot of friend i consider close. getting stitched is unbearably painful. argh and the expenses... oh so unnecessary. damn, i hate myself for all these. i shall never, ever try that double lache gainer ever again. need to find a way pass this revived mental block. i'm sorry to people whom i caused worry to. :(
it was so stupid.
i got away rather unscathed. it couldve been alot worse. what mattered the most is i'm now safe and sound. just need loads of rest. and love <3 :)
anyway... the bail footage is on my denester1 channel. + the twitpic. just something for me to learn from and bear in mind...