Monday, September 19, 2011
don't know about you but, remember that time, when i thought it was sure to be over when i added your classmate without even informing you because i thought she was pretty? and when you found out about it, you gave me hell. i tried defending myself out of my nature, but not long into the argument, i realize i erred. of course it's my fault. if it's for me, i'll feel the same. but i'm happy for the fact it had such a huge impact on you, that fact you're jealous when i get close to other girls, and the fact that you are afraid that you'll lose me for another.
after 7 long months i see the situation in a different light. the words we promises each other of 'forever'. you WERE okay with it. of course, of course, 'forever' is the word we use when we're still blindly in love. and the future, will be the future - unpredictable.
you said all about your insecurities, about how you want me to still love you despite all. you told me how you wanted to prove your mum wrong about first loves, and how she always say you quick to change your mind. and you told me how your friend mention about how insecurities in a relationship are only there because you scared of lose each other. and you said you'll love me no matter what too.
and you now say, it's okay if i fall for another. because you say you're afraid of 'forever'. you say you're just the kind that would stop talking to person when they get so close to you. even a person you'd consider special could be invasive of your personal space.
honestly, i'd rather face the bombardment of insecurities than to suddenly feel that the flame of our love is running out of oxygen.
i guess i can also be a pain in the ass to be with, but, really though, how much harder do you think it is for me to commit and adapt to the lifestyles of not just you, but your family. how much harder it is for me to wholeheartedly promise you that, despite laid down all my weaknesses and incapacity to provide for whatever would be just sufficient for the future, i'll work hard for the better security of both of us. how much harder it is for me to treat you like a princess and take all the mental headaches just for you to maintain your smile.
perhaps you don't realize the reason of why sometimes i strive so hard to impress you, to earn your compliment, or to just even be noticed by you, even when i know that i already have you. how sometimes i whine about feeling that tinge of jealousy and insecurity when you praise your favourite singer/celebrity knowing i probably can never match up to him. it's simply because i never want you to lose interest in me. never want you to think that there's someone else better. never want you to think that i'm not the perfect one.
i guess i've not done enough.
and i probably never will.