Thursday, November 03, 2011
end of week 3 now.
wanna guess how am i feeling now?
shit after shit after shit.
but why am i feeling so affected over shit, when they clearly shouldn't matter?
so many stuffs else to care about. so many... more important... stuffs...
so i've got across week 1 with n9 nokia.
week 2 with my birthday, marche, and TiD.
week 3 with my video, and bboy too i'll have to add.
i haven't really gotten into gear. coming back home and sleeping due to the messed up weather, not training, not doing any work, just slacking a night away. then what do i do during the free time... when there's nothing to just refrain me of those thoughts.
honestly i can't wait to get my pay from nokia, hopefully it reaches >$800. what do i do with it? half to my mummy, half to my travel funds. save first, enjoy more later. what have i gotten out of it? though it was a major fail in so many ways, i did have fun, really. scape and cine all day, play play play and you get money out of it. and a free ninja costume!
and then, week 2, everything just fell apart. at least for the first half of it.
you can say i was in the wrong, whatever it is. but it all hurts and that's the essence of it. so really, all that i did in the past were not so much of an importance to you. so easy for you to say, so easy. you said i'm selfish, but how are you different from me, right? but i get it, no longer no. 1 or even close to just a 'friend' now.
it's okay, live your own life and i'll live mine. i'll get pass this phase, and once i'm out, i'll find someone better. and i wish that you find a better one too. you probably won't. but what am i to say anything actually? i'm horrid. but at least i really tried. sucks to know that sometimes your effort isn't all that well-received. what can i do? what can i do.
and when people reveal their true colours, it's always an ugly sight. i guess you've really been hiding behind the covers so well, you leave me with no words. maybe all that you said were true. that i, essentially, suck as a boyfriend - no - as an individual. i guess i'll work on that. i hope you'll work on yours too.
and then there's this void you feel, that missing part of yourself. do we really need someone to feel complete? can't help it when the change is so sudden, and you tend to get lonely really easily. what do you do then, get all depressed and desperate? that cannot be an option... so a new goal for me: to find strength without dependency.
backontrack: my birthday. couldn't care less about that fake wish and text msg. had a birthday cake in class (thankz t2a1!), 2 mudpies (thankz kristen and felix!), met up with this kellyhong, and then 1 beer + 5 shots at night (thanks FSV kids and JAZ!)! it was genuinely fun, something that needs to be relive again. oh well. holidays then say.
then i had marche with the pksg guys. crepes the best i swear! then we went on to watch a crazy, crazy match of football. intense atmosphere at the liz, but arsenal triumph chelsea 5-3 and that was amazing. i'm not a gooner nor a blues fan, but why not enjoy a good game of football with friends? (Y)
later that night, all drama begins to unfold. after knowing the 'free tix' from nigel were just express passes not admission... we fall back to plan b: sneak in. with directions from zack who is working inside, i managed get it unscathed, easily. but i had to get the other 6 people in, so i had to go out and lead them in again. but obviously in a bigger gang, it'll be so much easier to get caught. and the last person got caught. failllllllll then had to stay till 2am to be finally released. it was a night of thrill that did not go down as planned -_-
halloween jam was quite a failure cos of everyone else who were so half-assed of halloween. but at least some of us still had fun, played really hard, trained kinda hard (finally), and just random scaring of people at night. that completed the day, and i headed home early to prepare for a boring monday. drama prod sucks i swear - but i won't go into that.
and i got enough footage (finally) for my video so all i had in mind was to quickly finish it and post it up. and so i did. and i loved the response. like seriously, such upbringing response - what won't you like about it? this sets a standard in my next videos and all newer videos will have to top (or at least match) that. viral video #GOODJOBCP
and schoolweek's done just like that.
and i still had to think about you. am i really that weak? now you know, cp now you know. so stop already.
ohwell, the weekend's packed with shoots. i will start actually doing productive work, plssss. and i will train really hard tomorrow. i await tuesday's bboy sesh! #excite
PS: i hope you're doing well up there. honestly it still feels abit weird with only 4 of us at home. oh well.