Monday, January 02, 2012
Time for the post which people reflect about the year that had just passed.
Loads of shit happened. Good shits, bad shits - it happened. If you would to ask about what I have learnt about this year, I guess the biggest lessons would be these: 1) Cherish what you have, 2) Never ever place so much hope into something, 3) If you wanna do something, you either go all out for it, or don't do it at all, 4) Don't let fear take over yourselves, 5) Don't bear grudges. Be open-hearted, forgiving, and acceptive.
You know I've lost two people that are so important to me. Life was so good in the early months (that I feel it's kinda hard to recall what happened during those months, because when you're happy, time flies like nobody's business), and it went on, and on, till the avalanche came. I can still recall vividly that day I woke up to screams, and that was it. And then that one month when suddenly, I have no idea what happened, all is gone. Feelings, lost. Promises, broken.
Let's not resort to the game of blame. I guess no matter the viewpoint, everything boils down to you. Despite how bad it ended, and how I still recount the good times only making me wish it still lasts till now, at least I grew in one way or another. And sometimes, you just need to that, in life, you don't always get explanations. And sometimes, in life, people change, situation change, so despite how well everything is going, you can never be so sure.
And for my Dad, all the fucked up thoughts about how he gambled away the family's hard earned money in the past, how he physically abused us when I was still young, how he's so unreasonable in his argument and self-centered in his thinking... all of it dissolved, once I (actually bothered to) see the other side of the coin. Of how he left this house for us. Of how my mother is fully backed up for the rest of her lives with his leftover insurances. Of how he actually gave thought for the family.
Of course I am guilty. And I hate bearing grudges. I can't believe I held one for so long on someone who, literally, raised me to the world. Honestly we don't talk much. Sometimes, things are just like that, and it's really so difficult to change it. But I am eternally grateful for the enrichment for all the 18 years of my life he gave to me. It's pointless saying it now, insincere even. But oh well, no point regretting any further.
I'm glad the last months of 2011, despite being the shittiest of all, managed to take a turn for the better... At least I know my YouTube channel is rolling out original content that people want to watch. Viral hits one after the other (not really but, yeah). And each time I strive to raise the bar. I guess I've found my own style to edit/film my videos. That's what we all try to do, right? Establish something that is unique to you. The unique filmmaker's style.
And then, I'd said I lost a third person, but honestly I guess it's stupid things people do out of uncertainty, out of loneliness. So I'll have to kick that out of the list.
All in all, I've made new friends (not too much honestly), know existing friends a lot better (especially classmates, and people I want to keep), improve in PK a fair bit (far from achieving my tricking goals, sadly), more so mentally (doublekongs how I love you now), learnt a lot of life lessons, broke the clubbing/drinking virginity (please don't get addicted CP), laughed a lot, played a lot, and made mistakes that I should wake up to.
All in all, thanks for the year, 2011. I'm grateful for all my friends.
Here comes 2012, and here comes a whole new perspective to tackle life.
New goals, new mindset. For the new year.
Let it be good. Scratch that. It
will be good.