Thursday, July 19, 2012
most of the times i come home from a major film set as if i've been through a cathartic experience. honestly it's pretty legitimate - being students and still in the stage of figuring how things work on shoot, you learn soooooo many things on set. and more often than not, just like how life is, there are more bad shoots than good shoots. and yes, unfortunately, i wouldn't say AFP2 went exactly well during production (MOS was far worse)... but yeah, a good experience, nonetheless.
that's the whole purpose of a student/school shoot right?
making mistakes, learning from them, don't ever do it again.
experiment, experiment, experiment.
then you forget - humans complicate things.
i'm not trying to point fingers, but it's pretty obvious how things are. in every course, there are market spoilers, gifted students, people who have been through this field for a while already, and then there are also another group which we often supersede - the people who are here, genuinely interested, trying to learn about filmmaking. underdogs - a term i'd rather use to better describe this.
to me, i love film. i'm sure the 2 1/2 years worth of modules definitely strengthened my filmmaking knowledge and build a rather solid foundation in this field. i love watching movies, observing every aspect - sound, editing, camerawork - they all astounds me. it's amazing how they work, when in unison, to form an audio-visual art-piece. and yes, i do make 'home' videos, filmed with my 'consumer' dslr, edited on an 'semi-professional' editing software (sony vegas, yes yes), which still (i believe) deliver a reasonably good impact on people upon viewing. and i'm happy with that, honestly! it's still a process of filmmaking.
of course i do like to explore more, making actual short films, doing it with the actual industry standard kind of equipments. and that's where i fall short. i admit to my shortcomings - i lack the knowledge on how to light a set (my biggest weakness i would say), i'm not the best when it comes to stylistic camerawork, or even detailedly know how the camera works. i would suck at being a gaffer, and i'm not the most reliable CA. (i'm talking about this because my area of speciality is the DOP)
still, i'm learning right?
but then there's always people who (genuinely, or not) knows more than you. that's cool, i mean i'm only this good, obviously there'll be people better than me. but people only care if you're good or not. and they only recognize you if you're capable or not. and as cruel as it is, that's how the industry works anyway. blacklisting people guiltlessly. no one can actually go into a shoot without being shot down (saw the pun?), and honest to god, it's never a nice feeling - being looked down at, scolded, etc. oh you know how they think of you... you just know...
and they conveniently place so much money involved just to suit their directorial needs, exploiting the poor us... but that's just another issue.
fair enough, it's year 3, and fun times' over. i see the progression in terms of seriousness in work from year 1 to year 2, than to year 3. and that's great. but the bitching progresses on too. and it really needs to tone down. fine you're more experienced, fine you've been to more sets than me. but i think it's unfair you disadvantage the 'weaker' students, badmouthing them, placing them in the 'hate list'.
i just find it hard to work in the film industry, when all you are trying to please is everyone else but yourself. always cautious of your every step, with guilt threatening down your back. i don't like it here, much less if i'm gonna head out to the real world. honestly, the fun is taken out of filmmaking.
that's the only reason why i wouldn't jump to another group for fyp.
because even if our movies don't turn out as good as the rest (though i have faith we can do just as well, or even better), we enjoy the process of it.
i don't know where i will go after my national slavery though, and if were to not continue down this line, what will i do with all these (albeit scarce) knowledge of film? don't say 'continue my youtube videos!' because, reality check! it won't earn me any goddamned cash!
sigh sigh sigh.
you just
can't beat the system, can you?