Sunday, February 09, 2014
Surrounded by campmates who spend their rest time texting/chatting away on their phones with their other half, it's hard not to think back about the good old times again.
Many of them lasted for years, some five, some three, mostly already a year ahead. Even my classmates who got together quite late in to the 3 years of the course have all slowly crossed the one year mark already. That sure is quick - no denying about that.
Just yesterday, it would've been three years.
We all talk about moving on, rest assured I'm over it (matter of accepting the fact and living with it), but how do we not ponder about the 'what if's'.
What if we really tried to make it work despite it being 'so wrong' at the moment?
Blink of an eye and we're three years ahead - probably three times stronger as well?
The more I think about it, it was just an incredible pity to let something really special go.
Special. It was indeed very special. But who would've known?
The list can go on but enough about that.
The thing is, I'd be lying if I say I'm not seeking love.
Everyone talks about how if you like the idea of love vs do you actually love that someone and shit like that. But how would you know? People dive headfirst into the unknown when they start their relationships. How sure can you be that it is true, genuine love or not?
It's hard to say.
I'm not quite sure what to think about the saying: 'When the time comes, it will come'. Because life isn't the 'just sit down and wait for a rabbit to fall on your head' kind of scenario, you HAVE to work for things. Sure, you can't force love, but you have got to make yourself cross the same paths with that special someone someday.
And here's how I picture my current and future self - NS currently, gonna spend 5 days a week in camp with guys, guys and more guys. Not sure if I want to go to school anymore. Most probably start working somewhere. Of course, not forgetting the ultimate aim of living overseas.
I'm not sure how I'll be able to find someone, or even just meet new people in general (especially for this burden NS phase), and I said time and again about how horrible it is to accept the fact that you're OLD and in your twenty-somethings already... when you think back about the golden teenage years, you can't quite picture how anything can get better than that. #bringmebacktotheoldtimes
Let's think back about the past two years and the attempts of getting a new girlfriend.
A big fat #fail that's all I can say.
It went well to a certain extent to be honest, but somehow it'll just blow out of proportions suddenly, and I'm not sure if it's my fault or anyone's, but as much I envision myself in a new relationship, I just don't ever get the same feel as I did with my seventeen years young self - where everything just fell into place without even trying. How did I get there in the first place? I was blessed with that opportunity and it was great for months and months until god knows why.
You will know when something will mean to be or not, it's something your heart tells you but it's because of that tinge of possibility, you pray and hope for the best - but you know the tinge of possibility never turn out in your favour.
Pessimistic as I may seem, but it's been like this and nothing seems to be changing it.
Future seems bleak, but I'm just waiting.
Waiting...
For something that will never happen?