call me unfeeling or stone-hearted, but truth be told - eventually, nothing else matters except yourself. this life is yours to own, and you have full control over it. eventually, everyone you know in your life will disappear, but guess what? you still stay the same. 

losing touch of all your classmates, a heartbreak of your loved one, death of a close friend/family member, or someone migrating far far away... it may be depressing and you feel like life's unfair and whatnot, but hey, one year and another passes and you are still here, alive, coping with one less person(s) in your life.

people generally tend to care more about themselves more than anything, and more often than not, we wouldn't share the same interest as each other. our weekends are spent on doing the things we want, and you want more of what you want than they would want what you want (make sense?). since when do we ever have time to play 'catch-up'? only when it comes to the special occasions such as 21st birthdays do you see people putting up with the facade.

it's convenient when we go to school and see each other week in week out, but when it's graduation and we go down our separate paths, we don't feel that 'obligation' to meet up anymore. i remember how everyone says how strong the bonds between bmt-mates are (and i don't deny that) and how we should never lose contact, but once we threw our jockey caps/berets, we figured that there are better things to do with our (real) lives...

recently, my uncle have gotten ill and is hospital-ridden for couple of weeks. and not long later, i received a text in army saying that he had passed away. i took a compassionate leave and went for half of the wake, but instead of mourning over his death, i'm just thinking about how much of a pretence i'm putting up with, when i truly don't feel much of a pinch due to me never being close with my uncle in the first place. it may sound heartless/disrespectful, but then again, it's all a show. it's sad, and i know i shouldn't feel this way, but it's really the way of life isn't it? 

i guess it numbs you over time when you start getting used to the feeling of knowing how temporary everything and everyone is in the world, and knowing that you only have yourself to rely on because it's really the only permanent thing in this world.