Thursday, June 09, 2016
Day 109:
One more week to Sydney, and then back home.
To be honest, *apart from this one very special thing that happened whilst living here*, I'm pretty unhappy with my life lately and I'm starting to feel frustrated and not enjoying it very much, which is completely opposite of what I came here for.
My first few entries of Melbourne life has still held true for most parts, like the whole rash decision making of moving out of a country to find a new life, but the fact that I'm employed now and have an income every two weeks has definitely made life less worrisome.
Still, Bounce didn't hire me and that would've made a hell of a difference in my life here I'm sure. Although I'm not sure how much I would enjoy it, so right now I'm a bit not sure if it was fully a bad thing. And Red Robyn (the cafe) didn't hire me as well so I'm now stucked with this one job with Deliveroo.
Don't get me wrong, it's a great job and I'm happy with what I'm getting. However, now my life has been reduced to working off to pay rents and stuff and just saving up for the future. It has its perks - total freedom, keeping active, cycling cardio (effort tho), getting to train here and there while getting paid by the hour. Sure, you earn as much as the amount of hours you put into... but to get savings, you basically have to give up time to enjoy and live life.
Right now, life is very little about living the life and enjoying the moment. I hate that about life. I hate monotony. I hate being in the system... it feels like me ranting about school back in secondary/poly days again. Andddddd I'm back doing the same thing when I'm in uni...
But then again, there's nothing much to do right now, I still have to pay the house rent till I move back home next year since I've committed the move, and now it's winter and it's raining all the time and... working is probably the only productive thing I can get done. And I have to hustle if I want to fund my travels the next year.
Hustle hard, but live a lifeless routine. That's basically what the essence of moneymaking is.
Hatta has gone home, which has definitely affected my mood at home, it being less homely, less fun, less interesting.
The other housemate that lives with me, however, sad to say, he's no more than another person in the house who's chipping in for the rent, lessening my monthly financial load. Sure he's a nice guy, being a nice housemate and being a cool training partner is two different things. It's good that he now has a job, and can finally actually help out with paying rent, but then again I can't help to feel that he had it too easy. Now we're competing for time slots/orders in the same location as we work the same job. Of course, if having him around meant I could pay less for rent, I will have to put up with it.
Which brings me to another thing that I dearly miss back home. The family, the friends, the mutual close-ness you feel and want to always be around with... Good company is something that you can't miss out in life. They make a huge difference.
Training hasn't been the greatest either. Jumps are off on some days, inconsistent, rusty, not making much progress. Today I hurt myself at a jump for no reason, and I haven't been on form at all. Jump Off is next weekend and I'm not sure if I'm in good shape for the competitions that I'll be partaking in... It's probably going to be disappointment personally, but hey it'll definitely still be good fun to finally be out of Melbourne for a bit.
Not sure if I'm actually loving the life here, it's just purely that I slid comfortably into a routine now that I'm fine with, just that I know I hate how I sold my soul in exchange for money. And I just put myself under this pressure to earn money, which is good in a way, but it's unhealthy to be so worried about and affected by money issues.
Which points to me that I have to suffer this last week and hopefully spend the non-working times doing more productive stuff that I would love doing, and then be less stressed out when I finally go on a holiday again, leaving my responsibilities in this city, and figure out life back home for a bit.
In retrospect, I definitely lived life better back in Singapore days, despite complaining about it's restrictions. Guess there's really no escaping it by just living in another country?
I miss the life where I had no responsibilities, no worries, and had the freedom to do whatever I wanted to do... that's why I signed up for this 2 1/2 weeks break for the hecticness I put myself into for the past 109 days.
Funny how the place I always wanted to escape is now a place that I want to escape to.
I can't wait.
PS: Probably should be in better control with my Mary Jane usage.