Saturday, August 13, 2016
Day 172:
Today was one of those days where you question why are you doing the things you're doing at the moment.
Was just listening to the lecturer going on and on about gaffing and lights, but nothing really went into my head. I'm then looking at my schedule for my next couple of weeks, to be honest I'm not sure why I'm doing this at all.
Sometimes, I just wanna forgo everything and just go back and do what I really want. Then again, why didn't I realize that back then? Before paying my first monetary deposit for the school fees? Did I really want to be spending twenty odd thousands of dollars when those money could've been saved to do something else?
I was so adamant of leaving the country. So committed to live in Melbourne and pursue a degree there. Not sure why but it just so happens I chose Melbourne. Anywhere but Singapore.
Half a year of Melbourne life has passed and I'm still here, clueless of why I wanted this life so badly initially. I would've been trying to pursue Parkour full-time at this point. No jobs, no school, just train. Just like while I did my travels. I was daydreaming that I was back in my travel days where I had that moment where sometime from now, you will be thinking back of those carefree days.
Days of late have heavily revolved around cycling between Camberwell and Hawthorn, editing at home and occasional bouts of school activity and gym training. And when I'm at home, I work on my edit. I have been procrastinating on the edit as a means to escape routine.
It's a very different life I have expected since 6 months ago, but I have no doubt adapted to such a lifestyle, till it's almost robotic, and have programmed it to stay like this till March next year, when life will restart where it left off the other time.
I shouldn't be complaining since I chose this at the first place. I only find solace in the fact that it is only a one year degree, but then again I'm already 23. The kids nowadays are so talented at 16/17, it really scares me how much more years I can sustain this. Life is about to dawn on me. I have to find progress in terms of a future that I can survive and keep afloat in.
Anyways, there's just no two ways about this and I'll just have to try my best to live in the moment as much as I can, despite knowing that your heart is elsewhere. It's an unhealthy mindset but there's no changing the truth.
My life from now till March is pretty planned out in accordance to the path I had to take since I chose it. Have just booked my Brisbane NatGat ticket. Definitely the next big break I'm looking forward to. Also, family coming to visit in a month's time. And then all the shoots before that.
October will be edit month as well and have to squeeze in some work back after missing out during shoots in September. November will be full on working month and probably my final set of gym routine in Melbourne. Hope friends visit at some point during this period. December is take a break and travel month (with the girl!). January will probably be NatLaide and more work. February will be ticking off all the Melbourne/Australia life goals and more work of course. Before slowly leaving Melbourne by mid March.
Sounds all crazily planned out but yet well done, I guess let's see what happens as the days progress.