Sunday, January 03, 2021
Hello hello, long time no see. It's always when it's heading towards the end of the year that it is reason for me to pen down my thoughts, which is kinda weird, but yet it make sense, and yes, I do owe Shay this little blog post which I have always wanted to write about (3 days overdue, typical).
I do think loads have happened this year, albeit it being pretty short, yet not really, but that's how 'years' work, right?
Obviously everyone's talking about the Rona and how 2020 is a shitty one, but somehow this year was just different. It started out as a huge burden due to the foot injury. But it wasn't too long till I got back on track again, thankfully. Let me just quickly list out 10 things that were the most memorable from the get-go:
Getting my home gym, getting really consistent and hitting 130kg 5 reps as one of my biggest achievement this year!
Circuit Breaker achievements - apart the home gymming, I worked on coaching online for my classes, learning lots about squat mobility and spending quality time in stretching!
Running an online skills competition, a no-flip home flow competition at that!
Reviving my YouTube, started vlogging, did up 20 videos! Wow. Content-making is still far from satisfactory but I'd say I did pretty well trying to make things work esp during the circuit breaker. Also far from being comfortable with the camera but the fact that I tried is something worth a pat on the back, I think.
Slowly but surely recovering from my foot injury - despite setbacks, I think I reached a point now where I am stronger than ever! Almost, at least.
MOVE Academy getting really stable, hitting record earnings after Phase 1/2 from my parkour regular and private classes + having 6 weeks of great kids camps and making a full fledged system for both the administrative side and the coaching side. It's definitely a great plus to work for yourself rather than for someone else.
Towards the later half of the year, I managed to achieve newer and bigger jumps, some that I would never have imagine myself doing.
I reached up to 26.6k followers from what I think was 20k+ since the last viral video of the wall run at Gold Coast. Bonus - the videos I edited of my students were posted on MOVE Academy's YT and it grew like crazy. True definition of a 'blow up'.
Gwen and I are reaching out 3 years together. She's living with me for the greater part of the year, so we spent a fair bit of time sorting out my room to fit two of us - lovely new furniture with great PCs, queen size bed, TV, etc. and most recently, Gwen's new PC!
I felt like I grew a lot more about understanding what's right, communication, coaching, viewing money, being a human, managing myself, although admittedly, there's still so much more to go...
That being said, let's talk about struggles.
Life this year honestly isn't all that bad. Financially, I've been doing well. Probably the best I've ever been. I've built a solid base of students (and parents) who I train week-in-week-out who funds me ever so well. I bounced back really well after the Covid lockdown situation. Being able to sleep in, maybe work 15 hours+ a week (apart from camp weeks), yet earning a nice salary, I'd say I'm pretty lucky. I don't think I'm fully there yet, of course. Finding that one or two loyal private student would mean I hit the sweet spot, but more or less I'm sure I have the life most people would dream of having.
Money hustles aside, I'd say my video projects are my main goals in life at the moment. There's just something that's driving me to create this 'best' project ever, consisting of extremely difficult parkour goals, which are just within reach (with a lot of effort), admittedly with very high expectations in terms of quality of movement, not to mention filming / editing, all for the sake of my drive in making the 'best video ever'. Many a times I settle for less-than-perfect filming just because I know I can't expect people to have the best handling of the camera (as if having them turn up to a far spot isn't hard enough). And I feel that I owe a world of favour after taking away their training time for 20 attempts for a stick. Truthfully, I can't control how quickly I take to tick some of these goal. These goals are mostly very mental, also needing very high physical capacity which comes and goes, so when I do feel like I'm back to my best form, I push even harder, but it reminded me of the foot injury that happened in Malaysia last year.
Sometimes I tell myself - is it really worth it? Why put this much pressure of myself to create bigger stuff? Why do this, why do that? Who really cares? How much do I really care, if anything? It's a great feeling for sure, ticking off my parkour bucket list. But how long more can this last? The most memorable moment of this year was the infamous Dive Roll bail rivaling the 3rd story cat leap fail in Korea. I was sure yet I wasn't. Sometimes parkour is just too much of a gamble and you'd rather err on the side of caution. But that's when your growth gets limited. As a grown adult with financial responsibilities, striving for athleticism has to take a step back. I'm not sure I'm ready for that. The funny thing is, even if I finish it, get it done and dusted, and then what? I know I'm not doing it for 'clout'. But being happy with all that in exchange for the years of anguish? It's a 'yes' for sure, but recently it hasn't been as strong of a 'yes' as I wish it to be. I guess after 13 years of training, ticking off my personal PK goals is part of my identity now.
Project Dive Roll 2 has been in the works for close to 3 years now, and my EOY 'Continuing Progress' video was supposed to wrapped by this year. I'm trying my best not to over-hype it to the viewers but most importantly for myself. I know it's a precious project. I know it's going to be a whole new level of hard-work. I don't want to rush it, yet I feel that I am just procrastinating. Trying to get help from people is truly the hardest thing ever. I'm afraid when I do get there, I end up not doing the movement, and time is being wasted yet again. Or even if I do, I take upwards of two hours, or worst still, get injured in the process (again, the Dive Roll bail). And it's annoying... I know it myself. But it is how it is - you just have to hope that people understand. And I just have to get better at knowing my limits myself. Although the truth is... you would only know how your body truly feels when you turn up at the spot and assess for real.
Time is on my side, indeed. Somehow, the biggest thing in my life is to manage it well. Maybe it is me being extremely tight on making sure it's spent well, yet when I do have the opportunity to spend it, I don't spend it well at all. Procrastination. Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's pure lethargy. As much as it is easy for people to say you just got to 'do it'. There are really so many factors that I hindering me from truly performing. I am trying. It is always in my head. But being alone in my quest has to be one of the toughest ordeals I'm facing. It's me against the 'world' that my mind has created.
Anyways, it is happy times being able to move again even after a pretty severe injury. Hitting close to peak form (whatever that is) has been such a good feeling. Fretting about imaginary deadlines should be the least of the issues, but still... My ability to manage time well is often the reason for fights between Gwen and I. Not being able to spend time to work on my projects is either due to the adult need to earn more money, and of course, being able to spend quality time with her, especially when it truly matters.
Being in a relationship is obviously going to be difficult for anyone. There are periods of the year where I faced tremendous stress whether or not it is out-rightly shown. Even a simple thing as pillioning someone (in the rain or not) on a motorbike can be a major stress factor (the most literal sense of having someone else's life on your hands). I feel really greedy with how my time spent, so I tend to want to spend more time with myself, whether or not it is for training, or just staying home to myself.
Compromising and accommodating requires tons of effort and being able to reach the point of equilibrium is the hardest thing ever. I'd say I'm selfish, yes I have ego, yet I still say I am doing as much as I can already, so to what point is 'enough'?
Gwen has been going through a difficult period in her life, with a less than tolerable job and a full break-out with her family. As happy as I can be, I think my mood would highly be affected if my partner doesn't feel she has a good quality of life. Despite leaving the burden of two ineffectual parents behind, staying at my humble abode of Simei doesn't mean there are no issues to deal with at this household. As much as she's welcomed here, it's still not 'hers' per se. So the pressure to move out is real, no matter how we try to mask it. Time is ticking. Money is knocking.
I want to clear my projects for good. Of course, as well as I can. But still, it's time to move on. My drive for athleticism will go on for sure, but I want to be able to train without the thought of having to 'finish a video'. I just want to be able to train to be strong for what it is. 31 March 2021, mark the date? I really hope so.
I will never be used to the Singapore life, and by now, I should be used to know that I don't quite have the luxury of choice once being born here. It's just how we make do.
2021, I hope I can truly focus on moving on in the future. A ring. A wife. A house.